glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
