Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry jalomoKris hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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(905): View more from Toronto

the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.

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(408): View more from California

I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.

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(727): View more from Florida

I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.

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(516): View more from New York

There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.

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(256): View more from Alabama

That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.

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