..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
