i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
