one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
