i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
