Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
