She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
