Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
