You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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