i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
