Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
