stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
