well you can't waste a boner
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
