they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
