i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you guys were way drunker than both of me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
