your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
