Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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