Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
