So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
