I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
