I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
