hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize