Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
