New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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