Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
