This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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