dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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