grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
