just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
