Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
