Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
