bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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