I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize