I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
