so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
