so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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