Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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