party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
