I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Randomize
