remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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