You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
