Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
