you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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