Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
