Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
