I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
