Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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