fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
