What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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