Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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