Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
