So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The Olympian is in my bed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
