Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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