What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
