everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i came on her dog
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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