i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
and you fell through a lawn chair
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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