it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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