so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
