Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
