Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
