Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
