Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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