I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
