Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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