Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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