I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
