And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
