You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
